Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
