I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize