Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
