Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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