why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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