And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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