rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My feet surprised me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
