If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
