smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
