he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it