Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?