when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.