my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.