whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day