my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Boobs are out for the taking
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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