I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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