Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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