Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
