And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
