my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
