That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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