his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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