i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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