I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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