Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we made out on top of his cat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.