I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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