4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
