I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
