seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
