Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
