I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
