it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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