The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
