I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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