ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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