I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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