where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
