Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
