i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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