do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
