I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
then he tried to convert me to islam
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
