Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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