I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
