farters have to be the big spoon...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
