You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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