Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
