I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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