I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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