From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
