I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
