I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize