Apparently you make a good broom.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
