if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
