Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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