Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
