Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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