another moral hangover. fuck.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
