She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I want is dick and wine.
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