He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
