I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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