i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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