Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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