Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
