well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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