His pubic hair was longer than his dick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
