It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
