I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i've created a new STD.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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