just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
