i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
